Answering Your Children's Questions About Divorce

 Posted on December 21, 2018 in Parenting Time (Visitation)

Your children will have many questions about your divorce, some of which may be difficult for you to answer. Some questions have obvious answers, such as “Do you still love me?” and “Is the divorce my fault?” There are other questions that you may not have immediate answers to, such as “Who will I be living with?” You can assure your children whatever parenting time decision you make will be in their best interest. The trickiest question is the big one: “Why did you get divorced?”

Preparing for the Question

You know that your children will ask about the reason you got divorced. Unfortunately, you do not know when or where they will ask the question. Your initial reaction could have a major effect on how future conversations on the subject will go. You should decide how honest you want to be with each child. No child wants to hear salacious details about your marriage, but children who are at or near adulthood may be able to handle more of the truth. The main points of your answer should be that:

• They were in no way responsible for your decision to divorce;
• It was a difficult decision to make, especially because of how it would affect them;
• Parents may stop getting along for reasons that are no one’s fault;
• Parents are best off getting a divorce when their marriage becomes unhealthy for them; and
• Nothing about the divorce will ever change the fact that you love your children.

Detailed Questions

Your children may eventually ask you specific questions about the reason for your divorce that they were afraid to ask when they were younger. A question may be uncomfortable for you if it is about something you or your spouse did wrong, such as having an affair. Rather than deny what happened, you should be honest about your faults that may have contributed to your divorce and use it as a teaching moment:

• If talking about your mistake, say that you regret how it hurt your family and that you have tried to learn from your mistake to become a better person; and
• If talking about your former spouse’s mistake, say that it upset you at the time but you have chosen to let go of your resentment and not worry about the past.

Contact a Warrenville Divorce Attorney

Your focus after divorce should be on your relationship with your children and not your previous marriage. A DuPage County divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, P.C., can help you receive regular parenting time with your children. To schedule a consultation, call 630-393-3111.

Source:

https://www.liveabout.com/talking-with-children-about-your-divorce-1270801