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Four Surprising Emotions You May Experience After DivorceGoing through a divorce can stir up complicated emotions for everyone involved. Some of the emotions are predictable, such as anger, depression, and anxiety. You may be angry at your spouse and yourself for the end of your marriage while also feeling depressed about it. It is natural to feel anxious about what your post-divorce life will be like. However, you may surprise yourself with some of the emotions you feel during and after the divorce. Rather than deny them, you should acknowledge these feelings and understand why you are experiencing them:

  1. You Still Care About Your Former Spouse: Couples divorce because they no longer feel affection for each other and are unhappy living together. You may initially feel resentful towards your spouse and take some pleasure in their struggles. However, you may eventually realize that you still care about your spouse’s wellbeing and want them to find happiness on their own. This is not the same as loving or even liking someone. It is showing empathy towards someone who was once an important part of your life.
  2. You Have Some Fond Memories From Your Marriage: People try to justify their divorce to themselves by thinking that there was nothing positive about their relationship. The negative moments from your marriage do not erase the positive moments. You should hold onto the positive memories, such as your wedding, vacations, shared parenting, and fun you had together. Try to learn from your negative experiences rather than dwell on them.
  3. You Are Interested in Your Former Spouse’s Life: It is natural to be curious about how your former spouse is doing. It may be necessary to keep track of them if you are co-parents or included spousal maintenance in the divorce. However, there is also an unhealthy tendency to compare yourself to your former spouse. It does not matter if they have started dating again before you or if they look happy in their social media photos.
  4. You Are Relieved to Have Free Time from Parenting: Divorced parents often feel guilty about splitting up their family and spending less time with their children. The idea of not seeing your children for a couple of days each week may frighten you, but you may discover that you feel grateful for the time that your children spend with your co-parent. This does not make you a selfish parent. Being a single parent is more demanding than when you were married, and you need alone time to take care of personal issues or just relax.

Contact a Naperville Divorce Attorney

Dissatisfaction with your divorce agreement is an emotion that you can avoid after your divorce. A DuPage County divorce lawyer at Calabrese Associates, P.C., can help you create an agreement that meets your post-divorce needs. To schedule a consultation, call 630-393-3111.

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Making a Divorce To-Do List to Stay OrganizedThe decisions and responsibilities involved during a divorce can come at you fast and leave you overwhelmed even if you are somewhat prepared. As with other responsibilities, creating a to-do list for your divorce can keep you organized and prevent you from forgetting about important tasks. This may be the most complicated to-do list you will ever create because it involves all aspects of your life. Instead of crossing off completed list items, you may mark that an item is being addressed and update it periodically. Most divorce to-do lists will have the same general sections, with the specifics in each section varying by the person:

  1. Filing for Divorce: The divorce process officially starts once you have filed for a dissolution of marriage with a local court. Either spouse can file for divorce, and the other spouse will receive a notice of the divorce and the scheduled court date. You may gain a geographic advantage by being the one who files if you and your spouse live in separate court districts.
  2. Gathering Your Financial Information: Dividing your marital properties is one of your primary tasks during your divorce. You also need current income records to determine child support and spousal maintenance. You can collect documents and search for information regarding your finances before you file for divorce. Any information gathering you can do before your divorce attorney gets to work will help with the process.
  3. Parenting Arrangement: Your divorce agreement will include the allocation of parental responsibilities, which is the parenting time and decision-making responsibilities of each parent. However, you will need a temporary parenting arrangement for during your divorce. When will each parent be responsible for the children? How will you pay for child expenses? You need immediate answers to these questions.
  4. Housing Status: Most spouses do not live together during their divorce. You must first determine which of you will stay in the marital home. The spouse with primary parenting time often keeps the marital home to avoid relocating the children. You should also consider each of your abilities to find or pay for your own housing. You may have multiple options if you are leaving your marital home, such as staying with family or friends or renting a temporary living space.
  5. Other Tasks: Once you have yourself and your children settled, you must consider how the divorce will affect other aspects of your life. Your employer probably needs to know about your divorce in case it affects your work availability. You may need to close joint financial accounts and open individual ones. You will need to update various documents and forms of identification to reflect your new marital status after your divorce is completed.

Contact a Naperville Divorce Lawyer

When creating your divorce to-do list, there may be important tasks that you forget or are unaware of. A DuPage County divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, P.C., knows everything you need to accomplish during your divorce. To schedule a consultation, call 630-393-3111.

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Alcohol Abuse Can Devastate Your Divorce CaseWhen your divorce is stressing you out, it is healthy to find an activity that helps you relax. For some people, drinking alcohol is a nice treat after a stressful day and a way to unwind. However, you should be careful that your alcohol consumption does not become excessive. Studies have shown that divorce can increase the risk of alcohol abuse and the development of alcoholism in some people. Alcohol abuse is bad for both your health and your ability to receive what you want from your divorce.

How Alcohol Becomes a Problem

With its prevalence in society, it is easy to forget that alcohol is a drug that can alter your mood and behavior. As a depressant, alcohol relaxes people who feel anxious or stressed, such as a person going through a divorce. There is truth in the idea that people use alcohol to self-medicate. However, the frequent use of any drug has the risk of abuse or addiction. Drinking may have always been an enjoyable activity to you, and you may turn to it more frequently during your divorce as a source of relief. Not living with your spouse may make it easier to go out for drinks after work and to have several drinks when you get home. Binge drinking can lead to a dependency on alcohol to help you relax. Some people naturally have a greater risk of developing alcoholism, but excessive use can create addictive behavior in anyone.

Effect on Divorce

Besides hurting your body, alcohol abuse can hurt your divorce:

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How to Address Divorce with Casual AcquaintancesLike it or not, your divorce is not something you can keep secret for long. You know you need to tell your family and closest friends about it. You may try to avoid discussing it with more casual and impersonal acquaintances, but those people may hear rumors about your divorce or figure out something is wrong. Most people know that it is rude to pry into the personal life of someone who is not a close friend. You can plan how you will respond to people who do ask about your divorce:

  1. Consider the Context: You do not need to tell anyone about your divorce unless you know that it will affect them. For instance, your boss at work may need to know if your divorce will impair your ability to complete your work. Co-workers may need to know if you will be unable to complete your work, but you do not have to tell them that you are getting divorced. People who you do not work or socialize with do not require any notice about your divorce.
  2. Coming Up with a Speech: What do you do if a casual acquaintance asks if you are getting divorced or related questions? There is no reason to lie to them, but you should not have to talk any longer than is necessary to make your point. You may be familiar with the idea of an elevator speech – a brief, rehearsed speech often used when introducing yourself to a business networking contact. You can create an elevator speech for explaining your divorce. The key components of your speech could be confirming your divorce and explaining that you do not want to discuss it any further because it is a private matter. If the person asks if they can help you, tell them that you appreciate their concern and will let them know if you need help.
  3. Sparing the Details: Your divorce elevator speech should not include any details about why you are getting divorced or how the process is going. Very few people need to know this information, and sharing details will likely create an awkward situation. A casual acquaintance may mention that they have gone through a divorce themselves. It is your choice whether you want to continue discussing the general topic of divorce. A co-worker who has gone through a divorce may have good advice on how to balance work and divorce. However, you should still not feel compelled to share details about your divorce while it is still ongoing.

Contact a Naperville Divorce Lawyer

Divorce is a personal decision that can have public effects. A DuPage County divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, P.C., can help you manage the stresses of your divorce. To schedule a consultation, call 630-393-3111.

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Four Ways Divorced Moms Can Feel Safe at HomeGetting a divorce may remove some of the security you feel from living with another adult. Single mothers, in particular, may worry about protecting themselves and their children from outside threats, including an abusive former husband in some cases. How much you fear for your safety may depend on where you live and your natural inclination towards fear. There are several actions that single mothers can take after a divorce to help themselves feel more secure:

  1. Update Home Security: An order of protection creates a legal consequence if your former spouse comes to your home but does more to discourage than prevent. To prevent a home invasion by any party, you can install a home security system and get in the habit of locking up your house. You should change your locks and security codes to prevent your former spouse from entering your home without permission. You can also install motion-sensitive outdoor lights to help you see what is going on outside and alert you to movement.
  2. Keep Your Marital Status Private: Your home may be more enticing to potential intruders if they know that only one adult is living there. It increases the likelihood that your home will be unoccupied. Social media makes it easier for strangers to learn about you and your children, including your newly single status and your schedule. Be private with this information by not posting it on social media.
  3. Rely on Your Neighbors: A trusted neighbor is a good resource for both preventing danger at your home and helping you when danger occurs. By developing a relationship, you can ask them to keep an eye on your home and your children if they are home alone. In the event of an emergency, your children can know to seek safety at a neighbor’s home.
  4. Learn About Home Safety and Self-Defense: There are classes that can teach you what to do in the event that someone attacks you or invades your home. Taking a self-defense class can give you the confidence to subdue or evade an attacker. Police can help you create an emergency plan for a potential home invasion, including where you can hide or escape after calling the police.

Contact a Naperville Divorce Lawyer

You may need to take greater responsibility for the safety of yourself and your children after divorce. A DuPage County divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, P.C., can tell you how your divorce agreement can help keep you safe. To schedule a consultation, call 630-393-3111.

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