Whether during a divorce, as part of a first-time parenting plan for unmarried parents, or a dispute arising after several years of co-parenting, child custody disputes can be cases of serious contention. Determining how parenting time and parental responsibilities are allocated is often hotly contested by both parents.

Complicating things is the fact that children often develop their own opinions about how things should be, especially as they get older and have a better understanding of the difference between each parent’s home environment and parenting strategy. If either you or your child believes your child deserves a fair say in your Illinois parenting plan negotiations, read on.

When Can a Child’s Wishes Be Considered?

While young children often have strong opinions about homework, hygiene, and personal discipline, they do not have the maturity or perspective to make wise decisions that are in their own best interests. Left to their own devices, children would often gravitate towards a parent who has a more relaxed disciplinary approach to parenting just because it is easier.

Not every person is cut out for the responsibility and commitment that marriage and children entail. Some parents leave their families to pursue relationships with other people; some wander off because they miss living a life of spontaneity and solitude; still others leave without any explanation, leaving their family to fend for themselves.

The spouse who is left picking up the pieces generally does not want to remain married to someone who is no longer interested in shouldering their share of the family burden. But getting divorced when your spouse is missing or unwilling to participate in the divorce process presents some additional challenges. Read on for a brief overview of how you can divorce a missing spouse, and then contact an Illinois divorce attorney for customized help.

Do I Have to Try to Find My Spouse?

Sometimes the spouse who stays to care for a family is not sorry to see a cold, abusive, or neglectful spouse hit the road. If you are in this situation, you may not want to ever see or speak to your spouse again - and understandably so. But to get divorced from your spouse, you will need to prove to a judge that you have tried to contact your spouse without success. A judge will expect to see proof of significant efforts. These include:

So you have finally made up your mind to get a divorce and now you have to actually do it. While filing for divorce in and of itself is not so difficult, many couples get hung up on the bureaucratic elements of the divorce process because the forms can be confusing and it can be difficult to get answers to your questions. 

Court clerks, judges, and secretaries cannot give you legal advice, nor can they assist you in filling out the forms. If you want to file for divorce but do not feel comfortable handling the paperwork yourself, you may want to get help from an experienced Illinois divorce attorney. 

How to File for Divorce

Before you can formally start the divorce process, you will need to fill out the paperwork and pay a filing fee. It is important to fill out the paperwork carefully and include accurate information; making mistakes on court paperwork can lead to petitions being rejected and the divorce process prolonged. 

While couples usually get divorced because they no longer have the same vision for the future or have unsolvable conflict, the tension between them usually reaches new heights during the divorce. The task of resolving complex issues like property division, child custody, and alimony can seem impossible when you dislike your spouse and want to avoid talking to them if at all possible. 

One way many divorcing spouses handle the stress of divorce is by venting about it on social media. While this behavior is common, it can be a huge mistake–once something is on the internet, the record of it may exist forever, even if the person who posted it tries to delete it. Practicing minimal social media use may be difficult during divorce, but it pays off in the long run. 

Do Not Delete Old Posts, Profiles, or Photos

The first thing many people getting a divorce want to do is distance themselves from their spouse. It may seem like the easiest way to publicly do this is by deleting every shred of evidence you were ever together. However, deleting things off social media may not be a good idea. 

Just as no divorce is easy, no divorce is quite the same. Individual spouses (and many cooperative couples) have to decide the tenor they want their divorce to have, as well as the strategy they are going to pursue. Some spouses opt for a scorched-earth approach after a long and bitter marriage, while others decide from the get-go that they want to cooperate as much as possible. Each potential strategy has advantages and an attorney can help you settle on the right choice for you. Here are the three most common divorce strategies in Illinois. 

Litigated Divorce

A litigated divorce is the old-school, in-the-courtroom, showing-evidence and calling-witnesses style of doing things. Today, even in highly complex or acrimonious separations, litigated divorce is far less common than it was even twenty years ago. Judges can now order spouses to pursue mediation and only allow a divorce to proceed to trial if mediation fails. Allegations of spousal or child abuse or financial misconduct may also result in a divorce going to trial. 

Mediation

Divorcing couples are increasingly conscious about separating carefully, especially when minor children are involved. To that end, even before a judge orders a couple to seek mediation, they may choose to pursue it on their own. If a couple hires a private mediator before filing for divorce, they can seek assistance from a mediator of their choice for as long as it takes to resolve all their issues. Once a couple has reached an agreement, they can file for an uncontested divorce, which moves much faster and costs less than a contested divorce.