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Identifying the Silent Killers of a Marriage

 Posted on May 15, 2017 in Divorce

Identifying Silent Killers in a MarriageDramatic conflicts can kill marriages. When a spouse is cheating or abusive, it is easy to predict that a couple will seek a divorce. However, many marriages die slowly and for reasons that others may not understand. There are silent marriage killers that do not manifest as direct conflict but will gradually create a divide in a relationship. While it can be difficult to detect these killers, spouses who are aware of them may be able to work through their problems and maintain their marriages.

Lack of Communication

Not talking with your spouse is literally a silent killer in a marriage. You both need to communicate to express how you feel and show that you care about each other. You may have stopped having meaningful conversations in order to avoid conflict. You may be distracted by work or personal interests. Checking social media, in particular, has become an addicting hobby that draws people‚Äôs attention away from live interaction and towards their phones. Improving your communication may take a conscious effort:

  • It is healthy to have occasional arguments with your spouse. You need to talk about your problems in order to resolve them. By not talking, you are only delaying the argument, which may grow out of proportion as you allow it to fester inside you.
  • Find time to have pleasant conversations with each other when neither of you are distracted. Eye contact is important, so you may need to put away your phone if it will be too much of a distraction.

Drifting Apart

As you get older, you may discover that you and your spouse no longer share the same passion for each other. The realization may be sudden, but you might not have noticed the change because you were busy working or raising a family. When you are retired or an empty nester, your different personalities and interests can become more obvious. While your relationship may not have the same excitement as when you were younger, it can be just as strong:

  • Find multiple ways to be intimate. When you were younger, physical intimacy may have been your strongest connection. As an older couple, you may need mental and emotional intimacy to supplement or replace your physical intimacy. Have conversations and plan activities you can do together.
  • Maintain your separate interests. If there is an activity that you enjoy but your spouse does not, depriving yourself of that activity to please your spouse may make you resentful.

When Divorce Is Unavoidable

Your best efforts at communication and understanding may not be enough to save your marriage. If you decide that divorce is your healthiest option, a Naperville divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, PC can help you through the process. Call 630-393-3111 to schedule an appointment.


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