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Preparing For Your Initial Divorce Conversation

 Posted on September 05, 2017 in Divorce

Preparing For Your Initial Divorce ConversationDivorce is a monumental event that will affect your life and the lives of your family and friends. However, your divorce will start as a conversation between you and your spouse, with a stark message: “I do not want to be married to you anymore.” It can be difficult to build up the courage to have that initial conversation because you anticipate the pain and turmoil that it will cause. Your initial reactions can set the tone for whether your divorce will be amicable or combative. You cannot control how your spouse will react to your request for a divorce, but you can prepare for the conversation in an attempt to minimize conflict.

Be Gentle

Leading up to the conversation, you may have accepted that your marriage is beyond repair and divorce is what will make you happy. Do not assume that your spouse has come to the same conclusion. Recognizing conflict in a marriage is different from wanting to end the marriage. If your spouse is surprised by your divorce request, he or she will likely be angry and upset. You should anticipate this response so that you can:

  • Be sensitive in starting the conversation;
  • Not reciprocate the anger; and
  • Prepare thoughtful responses that may help calm your spouse.

You may no longer love your spouse, but you should be kind enough to understand how much this decision will hurt him or her. Talking callously about your divorce may increase his or her anger.

Be Firm

If you have decided on a divorce, do not leave any uncertainty about the issue by agreeing to:

  • Attend marriage counseling; or
  • Try a temporary separation.

If those options could have saved your marriage, you should have brought them up before you asked for a divorce. Do not let your spouse cling to a hope of saving your marriage if your mind is already made up. You will only delay the pain of the divorce.

Be Diplomatic

You may blame your spouse’s actions for causing the divorce, but you should not express those feelings by attacking your spouse. When you accuse your spouse of ruining your marriage, he or she is likely to retaliate with his or her own accusations. Fighting about who is at fault for your divorce will only hinder your ability to cooperate. When your spouse asks why you want a divorce, you can be honest about what you believe the reasons are without resorting to attacks.

Getting a Divorce

Combative spouses may struggle to negotiate their divorce settlement, which includes the division of marital property and allocation of parental responsibilities. A DuPage County divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, PC, can guide you in remaining calm during your divorce negotiations. Schedule a consultation by calling 630-393-3111.


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