Calabrese Associates, P.C.

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4200 Cantera Drive, Suite 200 | Warrenville, IL 60555

Repairing Your Relationship With Your Children After Divorce

Posted on in Parenting Time (Visitation)

Repairing Your Relationship With Your Children After DivorceObtaining a fair share of parenting time is one part of being a good post-divorce parent. You also must use your parenting time to develop a positive relationship with your children. In your children’s eyes, you are not the same parent as you were before your divorce. Your children may also seem like different people if their moods and behavior have changed because of the divorce. They are likely still feeling pain and betrayal but are also looking to you for comfort and guidance. The onus is on you to create a new and healthy relationship with your children as a single parent.


Understanding your children’s feelings and needs starts with talking to them. Their time with you should include opportunities to discuss what is going on in their lives and how they are feeling. Ask them to share both the good and the bad so you are a more complete part of their lives. When they are with their other parent, encourage them to remain in contact with you, via:

  • Phone calls;
  • Email;
  • Video messaging;
  • Texting; or
  • Social media.

Your children should not be frequently messaging you when away from you but should feel they can always contact you if they need to talk to you.


Your children have friends and activities that are separate from your normal interaction with them. You should find ways to involve yourself in these parts of their lives by:

  • Attending special events, such as games and concerts;
  • Working as a parent volunteer with your children’s activities; and
  • Inviting your children’s friends to accompany them during one of their visits.

It is easier to grow closer to your children by involving yourself in their lives than involving them in your life.


With the uncertainty that your divorce created, your children need you to be a reliable and calming presence in their lives. You must follow through on the promises you make them, your visits with them being the most important. Canceling a visit will heighten the abandonment they felt during the divorce. You also must avoid openly arguing with or showing resentment towards their other parent. Involving your children in your post-divorce conflicts makes them upset and uncomfortable.

Being a Good Single Parent

Your children need more from you individually after your divorce than when you were married. You must be able to see them regularly in order to be a good parent. A DuPage County divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, P.C., can help you negotiate a division of parenting time. Schedule a consultation by calling 630-393-3111.


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