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Responding When Divorce Catches You By Surprise

 Posted on August 28, 2018 in Divorce

Responding When Divorce Catches You By SurpriseYou must act quickly and pragmatically once you and your spouse have decided to divorce each other. People who delay finding a divorce attorney and gathering information are put at a disadvantage when they must make important decisions. However, you may have a more difficult time overcoming your initial emotions if the divorce came as a surprise to you. You may initially react with anger towards your spouse or by fighting to save your marriage. Unfortunately, you cannot afford to avoid the practical concerns of your pending divorce.

Caught Off Guard

A spouse goes through an internal struggle before working up the nerve to say that he or she wants a divorce. The spouse concluded that:

  • The marriage is beyond repair;
  • Remaining in the marriage is untenable; and
  • Divorce is his or her best option.

When you are surprised by a request for a divorce, you have not had the benefit of reconciling these issues. You dislike that your spouse has made this decision for you because you feel powerless and embarrassed that you did not foresee the divorce. Thus, you remain at the stage of deciding whether you agree to get a divorce, while your spouse is already preparing for the legal process.

Realities of Divorce

Because you feel a mixture of anger and denial over the divorce, your thoughts may focus on how to stop the divorce rather than how to proceed with it. Before beginning a legal battle to contest your divorce, you should remember these facts:

  • Spouses rarely reconcile after a request for a divorce;
  • Your spouse can cite only irreconcilable differences as a reason for divorce;
  • Disagreeing about irreconcilable differences can itself be proof of irreconcilable differences; and
  • Courts rarely deny a request for a divorce.

You can delay a divorce by contesting it in court, but divorce is likely inevitable. Increasing your court costs will be the only thing you have accomplished.

Catching Up

By initiating the divorce, your spouse has gotten an emotional and legal head start on you. Your spouse may have already consulted with a divorce attorney before asking you for a divorce. He or she may also be quicker to accept that divorce is a practical process instead of an emotional one. Your divorce should focus on how you will divide marital properties and the parental responsibilities for your children. Continuing to discuss the reasons for your divorce will delay the process and hamper your ability to make decisions. A DuPage County divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, P.C., can prepare you for your divorce and guide you through the process. Schedule a consultation by calling 630-393-3111.


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