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Four Surprising Emotions You May Experience After DivorceGoing through a divorce can stir up complicated emotions for everyone involved. Some of the emotions are predictable, such as anger, depression, and anxiety. You may be angry at your spouse and yourself for the end of your marriage while also feeling depressed about it. It is natural to feel anxious about what your post-divorce life will be like. However, you may surprise yourself with some of the emotions you feel during and after the divorce. Rather than deny them, you should acknowledge these feelings and understand why you are experiencing them:

  1. You Still Care About Your Former Spouse: Couples divorce because they no longer feel affection for each other and are unhappy living together. You may initially feel resentful towards your spouse and take some pleasure in their struggles. However, you may eventually realize that you still care about your spouse’s wellbeing and want them to find happiness on their own. This is not the same as loving or even liking someone. It is showing empathy towards someone who was once an important part of your life.
  2. You Have Some Fond Memories From Your Marriage: People try to justify their divorce to themselves by thinking that there was nothing positive about their relationship. The negative moments from your marriage do not erase the positive moments. You should hold onto the positive memories, such as your wedding, vacations, shared parenting, and fun you had together. Try to learn from your negative experiences rather than dwell on them.
  3. You Are Interested in Your Former Spouse’s Life: It is natural to be curious about how your former spouse is doing. It may be necessary to keep track of them if you are co-parents or included spousal maintenance in the divorce. However, there is also an unhealthy tendency to compare yourself to your former spouse. It does not matter if they have started dating again before you or if they look happy in their social media photos.
  4. You Are Relieved to Have Free Time from Parenting: Divorced parents often feel guilty about splitting up their family and spending less time with their children. The idea of not seeing your children for a couple of days each week may frighten you, but you may discover that you feel grateful for the time that your children spend with your co-parent. This does not make you a selfish parent. Being a single parent is more demanding than when you were married, and you need alone time to take care of personal issues or just relax.

Contact a Naperville Divorce Attorney

Dissatisfaction with your divorce agreement is an emotion that you can avoid after your divorce. A DuPage County divorce lawyer at Calabrese Associates, P.C., can help you create an agreement that meets your post-divorce needs. To schedule a consultation, call 630-393-3111.

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Posted on in Divorce

Divorce Can Unleash Repressed EmotionsSpouses who choose to end their marriage are divorcing each other emotionally, as well as legally. An emotional divorce is often compared to the five stages of grief. You must accept the fact that you divorced and let go of regrets about mistakes that you and your spouse made. Your negative emotions related to your divorce are what is most likely to delay your eventual acceptance. However, some negative emotions predate your divorce. They are feelings that you ignored or buried and have now been unearthed by your divorce. Dealing with these negative emotions may require understanding that your divorce is not their only cause:

  1. Betrayal: There are actual betrayals and perceived betrayals in a marriage. Your spouse cheating on or lying to you is an actual betrayal of your trust. Your spouse making decisions that conflict with your own interests may be hurtful but not necessarily a betrayal. The difference is whether your spouse intended to betray you. Your sense of betrayal may be a reaction to actual betrayals earlier in your life. You still feel hurt by those experiences and concluded that your spouse was motivated by betrayal in his or her actions.
  2. Abandonment: If your spouse initiated the divorce, it may feel as though he or she is abandoning you. Abandonment involves loneliness but is also blaming someone for causing that loneliness. It is more accurate to say that your spouse is abandoning your marriage. He or she has decided that it would be healthier for you both to no longer be married. By getting a divorce, your spouse is acknowledging his or her responsibilities to you. A repressed sense of abandonment often comes from the absence of a parent during childhood. The divorce makes you feel like you are reliving that experience.
  3. Inadequacy: Rather than regretting your decisions during your marriage, inadequacy is believing that you have inherent flaws that are to blame for your divorce. You may feel that you were not good enough for your spouse, whether it was your sexual appeal or ability as a provider. This logic is flawed because beauty and success do not prevent a divorce. Divorce shows a weakness in your marriage, not yourself. Inadequacy comes from low self-esteem, which is a deeper issue than your marriage.

Emotional Divorce 

It is common to feel negative emotions during your divorce. Most people do not complete their emotional divorce until after their legal divorce has finished. Problems arise when your negative emotions cause you to make poor decisions during your divorce. A DuPage County divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, P.C., can be the calm guide you need during your divorce. To schedule a consultation, call 630-393-3111.

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