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Getting Divorced Does Not Make You a FailureReconciling your divorce with your own emotions may mean overcoming the idea that you are a failure. Your vow upon marriage was to spend the rest of your lives together. Ending your marriage before then means you failed in that mission. Once you have convinced yourself of that idea, it is easy to extend that failure to your marriage as a whole and yourself. However, success in a marriage is defined by more than its duration, and people who chose to divorce are not themselves failures. Keep these points in mind:

  1. Forever Is a Long Time: Staying married for life is a worthy goal, but how realistic is it? There are many conflicts and unforeseen circumstances that can occur during a marriage. To create a relationship that can withstand every test is remarkable. Making it 10 or 20 years is also a feat. Rather than disparage the marriages that do not last forever, we should be impressed by the ones that do.
  2. Quality of Marriage Matters: Success in a marriage means more than whether it still exists. Which would you consider a more successful marriage: A miserable couple who never divorces or a couple who had several happy years together but eventually decided to divorce? Most couples would not consider a marriage rife with conflict and misery to be successful. The happy times during your marriage means that there was some success.
  3. You Are Better Because of Your Marriage: A marriage that ends in divorce should be a learning experience for both sides. You understand the mistakes you made during your marriage and can apply what you learned to your future relationships. Also, consider what you gained from your marriage, especially if you had children. Being a parent can always be the positive that comes out of a marriage, meaning that the marriage had value.
  4. Your Divorce Does Not Define You: Even if you believe that your marriage ended in failure, that does not make you a failure. Your relationship broke apart, but you are not broken as a person. You have already proven that you are capable of finding someone who wants to have a meaningful relationship with you. You may eventually find another relationship that is stronger than your past marriage. However, you should not let your relationships define your success as a person. Your identity is more than that of a spouse.

Deciding to Divorce

You should not fear divorce, thinking that you are admitting failure in your marriage. Ending an unhealthy marriage gives you a chance at future successes. A DuPage County divorce attorney at Calabrese Associates, P.C., can help you through the divorce process. To schedule a consultation, call 630-393-3111.

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