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Recent Blog Posts
Responding When Divorce Catches You By Surprise
You must act quickly and pragmatically once you and your spouse have decided to divorce each other. People who delay finding a divorce attorney and gathering information are put at a disadvantage when they must make important decisions. However, you may have a more difficult time overcoming your initial emotions if the divorce came as a surprise to you. You may initially react with anger towards your spouse or by fighting to save your marriage. Unfortunately, you cannot afford to avoid the practical concerns of your pending divorce.
Caught Off Guard
A spouse goes through an internal struggle before working up the nerve to say that he or she wants a divorce. The spouse concluded that:
- The marriage is beyond repair;
- Remaining in the marriage is untenable; and
- Divorce is his or her best option.
When you are surprised by a request for a divorce, you have not had the benefit of reconciling these issues. You dislike that your spouse has made this decision for you because you feel powerless and embarrassed that you did not foresee the divorce. Thus, you remain at the stage of deciding whether you agree to get a divorce, while your spouse is already preparing for the legal process.
Financial Concerns When Going Through a Gray Divorce
Gray divorce, which refers to divorcees who are older than 50, has a different focus during negotiations than a younger divorce. The children in a gray divorce are likely no longer dependents or close to that age, which means that the allocation of parental responsibilities and child support may not even be an issue. However, the financial aspects of the divorce may be more complicated because of the duration of the marriage and divorcees’ stage in their lives. Financial viability after a gray divorce is more important than normal because the divorcees will have fewer opportunities to make up for lost assets.
Marital Properties
Gray divorcees have often collected numerous and valuable properties during their marriage, which they now must divide. The most valuable and vital properties for gray divorcees may be their retirement plans because it is the money they are counting on to support them for the rest of their lives. Most retirement plans are considered marital properties, including:
Parenting Plans Should Be Specific, Yet Flexible
When it comes to a document as important as a parenting plan, you want to avoid vague language and unanswered questions. A weak parenting plan can create conflict between the co-parents, which may also harm the children. Your parenting plan can be as specific as you need to prevent your co-parent from interpreting it differently. However, the plan should also be flexible so that you can respond to unusual circumstances with practical solutions. A good parenting plan thoroughly addresses all of the known issues that are involved in co-parenting while allowing flexibility to adjust to unforeseen issues.
Detailed Document
Parenting time is rightfully the most discussed aspect of a parenting plan because it is the most fundamental part of co-parenting. However, there are numerous areas of co-parenting in which there is a potential for conflict if the plan does not specifically address them. Some of the most common questions that the plan should answer include:
Divorce Can Unleash Repressed Emotions
Spouses who choose to end their marriage are divorcing each other emotionally, as well as legally. An emotional divorce is often compared to the five stages of grief. You must accept the fact that you divorced and let go of regrets about mistakes that you and your spouse made. Your negative emotions related to your divorce are what is most likely to delay your eventual acceptance. However, some negative emotions predate your divorce. They are feelings that you ignored or buried and have now been unearthed by your divorce. Dealing with these negative emotions may require understanding that your divorce is not their only cause:
- Betrayal: There are actual betrayals and perceived betrayals in a marriage. Your spouse cheating on or lying to you is an actual betrayal of your trust. Your spouse making decisions that conflict with your own interests may be hurtful but not necessarily a betrayal. The difference is whether your spouse intended to betray you. Your sense of betrayal may be a reaction to actual betrayals earlier in your life. You still feel hurt by those experiences and concluded that your spouse was motivated by betrayal in his or her actions.
Remembering a Prenuptial Agreement for Your Next Relationship
Going through a divorce is when you are most likely to realize how useful a prenuptial agreement can be. The agreement can save time on the negotiation of the division of properties and spousal maintenance. Unfortunately, it is too late to create a prenuptial agreement or even a postnuptial agreement if your divorce has already started. You should remember this lesson when you enter your next major relationship that involves sharing assets with your partner. Creating a prenuptial or co-tenancy agreement is a practical step towards protecting individual assets if you have previously divorced.
Second Marriage
There may be several reasons why you did not create a prenuptial agreement before your first marriage:
Staying in a Bad Marriage Can Be Physically Unhealthy
There is a general consensus that people who are married live happier and healthier lives than those who divorce or never marry. People who are opposed to divorce will use this concept as a reason why struggling spouses should stay married and try to mend their relationship. However, a recent study concluded that a high-conflict marriage can also be detrimental to the spouses’ health. Researchers followed 373 couples during the first 16 years of their marriages, keeping track of the level of conflict in their marriages and their general health. Husbands, in particular, had a further decline in health based on the frequency of the conflicts. There are several ways that the stress of a bad marriage can have a negative effect on your health:
- Depression and Anxiety: Being unhappy in your marriage will wear you down and can affect your mental health. Interacting with your spouse may make you feel anxious and depressed, which may, in turn, lead to poor decisions. Anxious thoughts may disrupt your sleeping patterns because you are unable to calm down at night.
Children Need Relationships with Both Divorced Parents
Determining the allocation of parental responsibilities can feel like a competition between parents to see who can receive more parental powers after a divorce. Parents will present their own strengths and the other parent’s weaknesses, with the prize being a greater share of parenting time. However, a focus on winning parental control may ignore what is in the best interest of a child. A parent with a majority of the parental responsibilities should help the other parent maintain a strong relationship with their children.
Parental Roles
Illinois family courts presume that it is in a child’s best interest to have two strong parental figures unless one of those parents is demonstratively harmful to the child. Children benefit from an active relationship with both parents because:
- Each parent is a role model to the type of person that his or her child becomes;
Protecting Your Electronic Communications from Your Spouse
Some people going through a divorce resort to eavesdropping on their spouses in hopes of obtaining sensitive information that can be used in the case. With the proliferation of electronic communications, there are several ways to surreptitiously track someone’s correspondences and online history. Illinois law states that evidence obtained through eavesdropping is inadmissible in court in most cases. However, you do not want your former spouse to be able to monitor your electronic devices, even if you have nothing to hide. Electronic monitoring can be a way of embarrassing or asserting control over a former spouse. Cybersecurity has become an essential part of protecting your privacy during your divorce.
Uncoupling Yourself
It is common for spouses to have shared online accounts, including:
- Email;
- Cloud drives for personal files;
Watch for Business Deception During Divorce
A business in a divorce is at the same time a marital property and a complex entity. It is a major source of income for at least one spouse and has great value as an asset. While it is possible to divide business ownership, it is more common for one spouse to have complete ownership after the divorce. In return, the other spouse is compensated with properties of equal value. However, one spouse may use his or her knowledge of the business to prevent the other spouse from receiving equitable compensation in the division of property. You must be wary of how your spouse may try to deceive you about his or her business during your divorce.
Business Valuation
Your spouse likely has a better understanding than you of the value of his or her business if you are not involved in its operation. During your divorce negotiations, your spouse has an incentive to undervalue his or her business to prevent you from receiving full compensation. He or she may underreport the business’s profits or give a conservative estimate of the business’s future value. There are also ways that your spouse can artificially lower the value of the business, such as:
Prioritizing Concerns Helps Manage Early Divorce Stress
The decision to divorce may provide you some relief because a resolution to your unhealthy marriage is in sight. However, your relief may turn to stress once you realize how much work will be involved in the process. A divorce agreement involves making tough decisions about money, property, and parenting. If you feel overwhelmed, you must remind yourself that you cannot complete the process all at once, even if you wanted to. When starting a divorce, you can divide tasks between what needs to be done immediately and what you should keep in mind for later.
Immediate Concerns
Your most urgent tasks at the beginning of your divorce involve your day-to-day needs. Your divorce has disrupted your life, and you need to create some stability before you can focus on larger issues. Immediate concerns include:
- Where you will be living if you are the one moving out of the marital home;